I have been repeatedly told that Ben looks so much like his dad. I by no means dispute that, however, I have never once seen it for myself. When I look at Ben, I see Ben. Each time I look in his eyes I see the same two little eyes that I first saw in the hospital 6 years ago. Every characteristic of him only reminds me of him. But, like I said I've never disputed the resemblance that everyone else so clearly sees.
When Sarah was born, a little part of me swelled as finally I heard the words, "Oh, she looks so much like you." For some reason, it was nice to know that I had passed on some of my own genetics to one of my off spring. I didn't mind for them to look like their dad, quite the contrary, but I wanted to have some part in things.
This weekend I was sitting on the front porch, as I am inclined to do frequently. Sarah was standing about 5 feet away from me leaning against a post. The low evening sun was shining on her face when she asked me a question. In that moment, when I looked up at her, the only thing I saw looking back at me were her dad's eyes. As clear as any resemblance I have ever seen, I saw her dad looking at me. It caught me a bit by surprise.
Then I sighed a deep sigh of gratitude. I am so glad that I am at peace in my relationship with their dad. I am so glad that I hold no anger or resentment. How tragic it would be to look at my children and see someone I despise. I am grateful that I didn't have that feeling when I saw his eyes in the eyes of my beautiful daughter.