Thursday, August 27, 2009

Adventures in Grocery Shopping

Sometimes I just don't learn my lesson. The particular lesson that I am referring to this time, should have been learned over a year ago when I repeatedly ran into a certain "little dirty guy" (LINK to story) at the grocery store in the neighboring town. These close encounters really should have been enough to teach me that some money savings are just not worth the risks involved. But, obviously I didn't learn my lesson, or I wouldn't be writing this post and you wouldn't be reading about my latest grocery store adventures.

Fortunately, this time LDG is not involved! However, the recent grocery store adventures have been so traumatic that I might almost be relieved if it was merely an LDG sighting.

About a month ago, I decided to stop at the grocery store the neighboring town to buy some meat and produce that was on a killer sale. Broc was along with me. It was a Friday afternoon, the busiest time at this store. Broc and I made our way through the aisles without anything significant happening and went to check out. Without paying too much attention I selected a line, they were all pretty long and we waited. While waiting, I noticed the lady in line ahead of us, she had long orange hair. I also took note of the 'costume' she was wearing. I say costume, because I'm not sure it could fairly be described as an outfit. She was wearing a negligee, there was no doubt about it. Her negligee... wait, that sounds a little too classy, it's much more appropriate to refer to what she had on as 'hoochie wear.' Her hoochie wear consisted of a top made out of black lace, I could see the under-wires in the demi-cups and it was complete with corset bones and little pink bows. Her garter clips hung down at her legs, dangling over hot pink leopard print spandex shorts. As I thought to myself that she MUST be employed in the "world's oldest profession," I went about my business pretending not to notice her and not wanting to draw Broc's attention to the spectacle.

Finally, Madame Grocery Store moved on and it was my turn to pay. As the cashier scanned my items she began to talk to me. She asked if I had seen what the lady ahead of me was wearing, I shyly responded in the affirmative, then as if she hadn't detected my quietness the cashier proceeded to tell me her own story. She told me about a lady who had been in the day before. This lady had been African American and was wearing a royal blue tunic style shirt, with no shorts underneath. The cashier told me that the shirt was completely sheer and the lady had NOTHING on underneath except white granny panties. I was becoming very concerned about Broc's ten year old ears hearing this. Then the cashier continued to describe this lady and added, "the worst part was that she was 9 months pregnant!" As the disturbing image became all too vivid in my mind, I paid as quickly as I could and rushed Broc out of the store. As we left the store Broc asked, "what was she talking to you about?" Oh, nothing Broc! Nothing at all!

Today, because I'm a sucker for a good deal or maybe it's a glutton for punishment, I went back to the same store, again. Today, as I waited for my turn in line I noticed the lady behind me. I noticed her because she kept singing in my ear. I don't know what she was singing, but it wasn't good. When I turned around to look at her I was looking at this :
The lady was apple shaped, wearing a pink shirt and matching pink leggings. And around the bottom of her shirt were two distinct ruffles.

So, all these stories pose the question... will I be returning to this same grocery store again? Well now, let's be honest, the ridiculousness that I encounter there makes me feel much better about myself. Of course I'll be going back!

1 comment:

Diane said...

Please tell me you are shopping in Lancaster. I have told you to shop Bakersfield...WinnCo. We don't have goofy people here.