My Special Blend

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Burn

Warning: I am not always a nice person! Read at your own risk!

This afternoon I was waiting for Ben to get out of school. I typically stand at the corner by the school while I wait. As I waited today, a heavy, unattractive lady walked by me with her daughter. The daughter was probably nine or ten years old. Let me describe the lady for a moment... she was in her mid to late 30's, her long brown hair was twisted on her head in a "claw" thingy. She was wearing a poop colored t-shirt and she didn't have a stitch of makeup on. She was probably 80 lbs overweight. Ok, so none of this really has to do with the story, but I think it is important to convey the full image.

As the pair walked by, I heard the daughter ask "mom, what's that mark?" It was then that my eyes locked on a mark on the ladies neck. She quickly responded with, "It's a burn from my curling iron!"

WHAT?!?!

It was clearly a hickie on that woman's neck. CLEARLY a curling iron has not touched that hair recently!

I've heard of rug burns, sun burns, Indian burns... but a "sucking lips on your neck burn," that's a new one to me. Is aloe and noxema the proper course of treatment for that kind of burn as well?

For the love! If you are going to be unattractive, get a hickie on your neck and lie to your child about its origin in public... have the decency to at least try to use that curling iron to style your hair in a manor that would cover the mark... To do otherwise, is to risk causing me to vomit a little in my mouth as you walk by.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Drug money

Craig's List is one of the greatest things ever created! We have obtained some of our greatest deals from shopping on Craig's list. Recently, we have been in the market for a new patio set. We need one because we are going to have the coolest yard on the block this summer!

Today Big Ben let me know that he believed he had a set secured off Craig's list. It seemed to be exactly what we were looking for and $100 less than we planned to spend. The only problem was that it was a little tricky nailing the seller down on a time that we could pick it up. We determined that the best option was for me to leave immediately to get it... even though I generally avoid making these deals without Big Ben present.

Sarah and I jumped in the van and drove down to Lancaster, to a neighborhood I knew well, and pulled up to a house that appeared to be abandoned. Hesitantly, I got out of the van and rang the door bell. There were several fliers stuck in the screen door and the lawn had been replaced by a textured design of weeds, I was just sure that no one lived there. There was no answer. I waited and finally heard a door bang somewhere at the back of the house, so I rang the door bell again. Again, I heard the same bang, followed by a voice from the side of the house. I followed the voice.

The owner of the voice was wearing a black, long sleeve shirt. He had long, stringy, black hair and a black beard with a spot of gray right in the middle. There was so much black dye present that I was unable to discern his age. He led me around to the back of the house, past a swimming pool that was more algae than water and a backyard that was just as filled with weeds as the front yard. The patio table was fantastic. The guy was very nice and helped me load it into the van, as I tried not to get a contact high from the smell of weed that was permeating from him.

Before we left, I handed him my cash... thinking to myself, "here you go! You take my money and you go buy yourself some of the good stuff!"

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Bigs and The Littles

Big and Little is a theme around here. Big Ben is extremely tall, I'm extremely short.

Then, there is the contrast between Big Ben and Little Ben.

Now, I introduce to you the concept of Big Sarah and Little Sarah. (Who would have ever thought that our little Sarah would be the Big one?)

Little Sarah came over today to play. She might be the coolest baby ever... she's so cool, she has her very own blog.

Little Sarah pointed out the "clock" to us, and the "candles" on the table. She also told us the location of her nose and her hair where. She rounded out the lesson by teaching us the sounds that cats, dogs, cows and baby chicks make. We take the lesson very seriously since it comes from a credible source, Baby Sarah lives on a farm!